#MeExclusively!

#MeToo is regarded so righteous Time magazine proclaimed it “Person of the Year.” All of maledom hangs its head in shame. But let’s dare consider the big picture here. Shoving #WeTwo right off the table, the central flaw in “#MeToo” is that it’s really #MeExclusively. Pain, powerlessness, insult, discomfort, disadvantage, bias . . . these experiences are human and they are universal. #MeToo say women everywhere. Yes, I’m sure that’s true. But, #MeExclusively would have you believe that the female experience of pain and powerlessness stands alone. And that is not true.

Males don’t experience either pain or powerlessness in the sexual arena? Tell it to the male holding flowers and candy and shaking in his boots. If only men must initiate, only men can be judged to have done it “wrong”—and then there’s hell to pay. Tell it to the 14-year-old boy raped by a 40-year-old woman and told he “got lucky.” Tell him again when the court’s action in the matter is to order him to pay his rapist18 to 21 years child support. Tell it to the husband whose wife aborted his child with no need to consider his feelings, but when he goes to have a vasectomy, he’s told he needs his wife’s written permission. What’s his experience of pain, powerlessness, insult, discomfort, disadvantage, and bias?

The problem with #MeToo is that it’s Me, Me, Me . . . my pain, my discomfort, my experience of powerlessness stands alone! Focus all attention, all reparations, all cultural caring, concern and compassion on #MeExclusively . . . . me, me, me. For him there is blame and accusation, loss of career, public disgrace, and social destruction without a trial. But forget about him. Man up! We women are not attracted to “victims,” so you’d best remain strong and silent. If he is pawed, grabbed, or forced, the way she is pawed, grabbed, or forced, it’s not the same thing. Let us not be distracted, even for a moment, from the only experience of pain and powerlessness that matters . . . my female experience of pain and powerlessness! Shame on you for complaining. We must not be distracted from me!

Tell it to the multitudes of men dealt false paternity suits by women who choose sex with Mr. Exciting but name Mr. Reliable as the father. yet you’re forced to pay child support anyway. Consider the 1 in 5 fathers raising at least one child not their own and how it must feel to discover that your 12-year-old isn’t yours. Consider the men imprisoned for failure to pay even if unable to pay. No says feminism, we must NOT be distracted from me. Males comprise the vast majority of the war-torn, homeless, imprisoned, executed, addicted, murdered, socially isolated, parentally alienated, school dropouts, and at-work fatalities. Men are 16 times as likely to die on the job; men are four and a half times as likely to commit suicide.

Huh? What does any of this have to do with me? Don’t you get it; the world is not perfect for me! My moaning, my groaning, my whining, my kvetching, my complaining . . . me, me, I, me, me, I’m not happy! Look, I own pain. What does the pain of “over-empowered oppressor, victimizers” matter as compared with the pain of “innocent victims”? First, make the world perfect for me, then we’ll talk about you. Keep pouring from your glass half “full” into my glass half “empty” until I have nothing left to complain about. Is that so much to ask? He is at fault and to blame for all things because he (not me) is sexist. Imagine, those men whom I hate with a passion have a negative bias toward me! There are troglodytes out there who actually accuse femininism of gender bias! Can you believe that? Let’s make alternate perspectives a hate crime. Let us rain hatred down on males; they’re misogynists!

Says author Lurie Ingraham: “I’ve been in groups where women have owned it openly that they really get off on being hot. In a group in California an attractive young woman said, ‘I’ve done that to men millions of times; it feels good to know that they’re panting after me, and I just have to go like this with my finger. That gives me great pleasure.’ One of the men in the group got up and screamed at her, ‘Goddamn you fucking bitch! I have been hurt by women like you so many goddamn times.’ And that’s how women rape men.” Sure looks like sexual harassment to me.

If to “rape” is to devastate, then both sexes have many ways of “raping” the other. “I’m going to marry a really rich guy, then divorce him,” explains a young woman to a Toronto newspaper. “But first I’m going to have his kids, so I get child support.” I knew a woman who did this very thing. The most heinous of bunko artists can’t steal someone’s children yet, even if her victim commits suicide, the law can’t touch her. Her actions are not defined as criminal. What would it be like to empathize with men . . . and what would it be like for men to express their inner vulnerability, pain and powerlessness thus giving the world something to empathize with? Yeah, I know, male complaint is met with derision or worse but even so, when only women complain, it sustains the illusion that only women have anything to complain about.

What? Check my own privilege, my own shadow, my own power, my own sexism? Are you joking, empathy toward males? What the hell is “misandry”? That’s not even a word. Look, I am THE victim. Haven’t you ever heard “Don’t blame the victim?” Well, I’m the powerless victim in all things! I am blameless and righteous! I have no power. And don’t dare doubt it or I’ll lay waste to you; my accusation alone will destroy you! Just ask all those accused fathers who will never see their children again.

Consider all the men destroyed by false accusations. How painful and powerless does it feel to the multitude of men languishing in prison because a woman cried “rape” to cover up an embarrassing pregnancy? Spare a thought for the lonely middle-aged man when she enters his life and soon becomes something like his whole reason for living. Having worn his heart on his sleeve or done something impulsive she is now in a position to expose and destroy him. We assume that The Boss has The Power but, from a distance, we do not know that. Maybe she’s naive; he has his way with her and discards her. OR, maybe she’s WAY tougher than he is. Maybe she terrifies him with the threat of exposure/accusation, and exploits him every which way. How can the one with the power be the one on his knees begging her not to destroy him? Often, it was his status as The Boss that attracted her to him in the first place. You’d never know it, but there actually are two sides to every gender issue.

“Sexual Harassment,” “Rape Culture,” “#MeToo” would appear to uncover only the male shadow. But, look more deeply. In characterizing gender reality exclusively in terms of MalePower and FemaleVictimization, ManBad (over-empowered oppressor-victimizer) and WomanGood (“innocent” victim), female shadow is also revealed. Along with abuse of male power, peeking through the cracks, we can also see abuse of female powers.

I get it that #MeToo contains legitimate complaint and I don’t mean to shut down legitimate female complaint. I really don’t. I get it that women suffer. I get it that women suffer. I get it that women suffer. I get it that women suffer. Okay? But, statistically, men suffer comparison with women in virtually every measure of wellbeing. So, now can we spare a nanosecond for the other half of gender reality? And I apologize to any female readers who get it and empathize, but what I mean to do here is raise awareness of the immense power Woman wields, which includes the power to shut down legitimate male complaint. In monopolizing “victim,” the feminine shadow abuses her greater power to elicit empathy, leaving men bereft of empathy. What worse thing could one faction of humanity do to another than to cut them off from understanding and compassion?

In abusing her Moral Authority and greater power to inflict shame, all of maledom might be brought down by sex scandal shaming—masculinity feminist redefined as “toxic.” Given the staggering rates of male suicide, it would seem that female-ism would shame men to death. How many women out there are complaining of the overabundance of confident, wealthy men out there? In shaming Man into pouring from his glass half “full” into Woman’s glass half “empty,” feminism, in league with chivalry, would fashion a world made perfect for females; males be damned. But you know what? Neither sex “wins” when both sexes lose!

Yeah, I’m angry. The society wide belief that men have the power and women are the victims gets me so worked up because it is so one-sided, which is why it’s false, which is why it’s poisonous—all around. It’s tearing us apart. As an equalist I know that in the end it all balances out. Gender reality is mirrored. The current gender-political fiasco is created by Man and Woman together in co-equal unconscious complicity. Feminine and masculine are equal partners in the vast gender dance that molds our human world, both equally responsible for outcomes. Male shadow is matched by female shadow. There’s plenty of victim to go around; neither sex is ennobled to take ownership. I’m angry because feminism’s ideological dictatorship renders utterance of these sensible truths social and political suicide.

If we absolutely will not be moved by empathy toward men, then, to validate an issue, we must do what we always do; we must show how the issue adversely affects women. So . . . suppose the true victimization of women is a withhold of accountability, which is infantilizing; drowning women in sympathy, which is disempowering; telling women that they are the powerless victims in all things, which is emotionally self-fulfilling; telling women that a Boogey Man hides behind every bush, which is terrifying; and telling women that their biology only betrays them, limiting women’s immersion within roles and realms in which many are at their happiest. No wonder every measure of female happiness has plummeted in recent decades and worldwide the most feminist cultures produce the least happy women.

Perhaps what women most need rescuing from is the feminist delusion that only women suffer and only men have power. Yes, the chivalrous male will adamantly refuse his own victim while defending hers to the death. Even so, in a world in which both sexes suffer, what is to be revered and respected in Woman’s relentless insistence that she is the victim? How does it serve Woman to enable selfish, self-absorbed, self-serving, self-indulgent, self-righteous, self-proclaimed victimhood? Yes, Woman is untouchable, all-powerful, non-criticizable, non-accountable, protected, coddled, indulged; even so, in proclaiming herself the victim in all things, what if Woman is really just making a complete ass of herself?

If this truth is beyond our grasp, then consider the paranoia, the Moral Panic, the devastation to inter-sex unity, romance, marriage, family, social fabric, fairness and forgiveness. Nearly half the children born are born to single mothers and virtually all those school shooters were raised without fathers. The diminishment of fathers is the rise in social pathologies. Is this male-hating hysteria with all its poisonous fallout really the best gender reality we can aspire to? As equalists we believe that there’s a better way. In place of one vast Vagina Monologue, as equalists we enter into dialogue. As equalists we take turns. As equalists we believe in #WeTwo.


Tim Goldich
Author of – Loving Men, Respecting Women: The Future of Gender Politics

One Reply to “#MeExclusively!”

Leave a Reply